High Self-Esteem or Vanity?

"Mom, do you think that I think I'm hot"?

"Ummm... yeah"

"You're right. I do think I'm hot. I'm a little vain".

This got me to thinking; is there such a thing as too much self esteem? While establishing self esteem in children is important, are we creating narcissist. Children are often praised regardless of whether or not praise is warranted. We're all guilty of it. I remember when the boys were toddlers and just learning to draw. They'd run up to me, so excited by their creation. I couldn't tell the head from the tail. So, I'd smile and tell them what a great job they did.

Self esteem seems to be the core of a well adjusted individual. And well adjusted is what we all strive for, right? There's even a National Association for Self Esteem.

This article by Lauren Slater for the NY Times confirms my fears. Too much self esteem can sometimes be harmful.

The article goes on to ask if self-control should replace self-esteem and suggests that we should instead advocate self-appraisal. "If our lives are stories in the making, then we must be able to edit as well as advertise the text."

As parents, how do we find the right balance. How do we know the difference between high self-regard and high self esteem? How do we even begin to teach them about self-appraisal.  Should I hold back from telling my kids how handsome and smart I think they are? My 8 year old thinks he's "hot". Where he got that, I'm not sure. I'm worried that I'm creating a little narcissistic monster. Who likes to quote Paris Hilton, none the less. Not that he knows who she is, but when he said that, I couldn't help but think of her and what a brat she seems to be. And my son, no matter how vain, is no brat.

''There is absolutely no evidence that low self-esteem is particularly harmful,'' Emler says. ''It's not at all a cause of poor academic performance; people with low self-esteem seem to do just as well in life as people with high self-esteem. In fact, they may do better, because they often try harder.'' Baumeister takes Emler's findings a bit further, claiming not only that low self-esteem is in most cases a socially benign if not beneficent condition but also that its opposite, high self-regard, can maim and even kill.

Comments

[PrincessChristie]

I Think Its Important To Have High Self Esteem Because People Are Always Goin To KnOck you down so if you elevate your personal opinion of yourself you are less likely to fall hard. Of course there is a line that you Cant cross where self esteem= blowing yurself up with hot air. The key is remembering Although you're hot .. so is evry1 else in their own unique way. :D XX