Good Music, Good Memories

Cute old lady in a hat, originally uploaded by Meemo.

I can't stop thinking of my grandmother. I remember her all the time, and every time I do, my breath catches in my throat, my eyes feel heavy with tears and my heart breaks just a little more. I still can't believe she's gone. She who brought so much joy into my life, she who's love was so simple and pure. Unconditional. She who always asked me to stay a little while longer. Don't go so soon she would plead. Why don't you sit for a little while. I was always in a rush. "Oh no Grandma, I can't stay. I have to pick up the boys from school." I remember sometimes when I'd be heading over to her house, I'd already be thinking of how I'm going to make it a short visit. So selfish. I try not to think of all the things I didn't do and wish I would have.

I remember that a couple of weeks before she passed on, she commented on how she never listens to good music anymore. I really wish I had known about Lila Downs music back then. Grandma would have loved her music. I downloaded "Paloma Negra" into my Nano, and when I hear that song, I hear my grandma singing along. Tunelessly singing, but singing her heart out none the less. I can hear her voice and feel her spirit. I know that no matter what, she is with me. Always. Sin Fin.

Moms Gone Wild

I just saw this video about cocktail play dates.  I am a big fan of said play dates, and have participated in many.  Apparently, not all women agree.  Dr. Janet Taylor from Columbia University's Harlem Hospital  says that ti's not responsible, we need healthier ways to socialize, yada, yada, yada.   

Moms drinking at play dates are not doing it to get drunk.  I know I became rather anti-social when I stayed home, and the wine sure helps you warm up and socialize a little better.  Being a stay at home mom can be taxing, exhausting, frustrating.  Not to mention lonely.  I remember those days.  Mostly, I remember how much I looked forward to getting dressed up and feeling like an adult when we had cocktail play dates.  Now this was like 6 years ago, and I haven't had one in a long time, but if I'm invited to one, I'm so there. 

What I don't understand is the criticism from other moms.  Like Stephanie said, it's just a way for  moms to point fingers, and find fault in each other.  Who knew motherhood was a competitive sport.

So, it's not okay to drink a glass of wine when your kids are around, but it's okay to be hopped up on Zanax, Prozac, Lexapro, etc.  Taking happy pills is okay to help you get through motherhood... but a glass of wine?  That's not okay? 

My new mantra, which I stole from Rockstarmommy is "I'm okay, you're okay, we're all motherfucking okay".  So I say, go do what makes you happy, and don't worry so much about what everyone else is doing. 

And on that note, I think I'll go home after work and have myself a nice Bud Light while I watch the boys play video games. On second thought I'd be drinking alone which might be a little pathetic. Whatever the case may be, I'm going to plan a cocktail playdate in honor of those brave bloogers who went on national television to defend and represent.

The Cows are Coming Home

I can't believe that I haven't posted about the snow we had on Monday. The snow that actually landed in our yard. I was waiting for pigs to fly, or the cows to come home. Snow in Phoenix is an anomaly. My 85 year old neighbor said that it snowed 17 years ago, but then she said that on second thought, perhaps it was just hail.

This was real life snow. Granted, it was a very poor example of snow, but snow none the less. We'll take whatever we can get. Of course, we're back to sunny 60 degree days. I won't complain about the weather, but it was nice to have a really cold day for a change.

6 Weird Things About Me

Claudia tagged me for a meme. I rarely get tagged, so I'm excited to play. I don't know who to tag since I've seen this meme on most of the blogs I read. If you haven't done it, well then...tag, you're it!

There are so many weird things about me. Hmmm, where to begin without delving too deep and forever having the internets think I'm a freak.

1. I have issues with public restrooms. I hate them. I will avoid sitting at all costs. I hover. When my boys were younger and I had to take them to the restroom, I would cringe and couldn't stand to watch them standing so close to the toilet. I about died when I saw that picture of Britney Spears coming out of a gas station bathroom, barefoot. That's just disgusting.

2. I never put my purse on the floor. My mom once said that when you put your purse on the floor, you pick up negative energy, or some weird new age crap like that. Although I'm not too new agey, I follow that tip to a tee. Not to mention the cost of purses these days. Why would anyone put their purse on the floor?

3. I can't eat anything without having a drink to go with it. Oh, and it has to be the perfect drink. I could be starving, but will wait until my tea is done. And water will not suffice. I love my iced tea. Today, I was invited to an impromptu lunch at my friends house. I wasn't sure about the sparkling pomegranate juice she served, but it was yummy. And to think that I almost turned lunch down because of the drink choices. Yeah, I know, weird.

4. I blink a lot. I probably don't do it as much as I did when I was a kid, but it's still there. I love it when people say "you blink a lot". No shit sherlock. I saw the eye doctor on several occasions growing up, and each time I secretly prayed that he'd say I needed glasses, but I never did. I was so insecure, I really wanted glasses to hide behind. I didn't start wearing glasses until a few years ago, so obviously blinking a lot has nothing to do with eye sight.

5. My work hours are weird, and they make me weird. I work 3 days a week from 6pm to 6am. Between shuttling the kids to school, and all the other mom duties, I end up getting about 4 hours of sleep. I get really loopy and silly when this happens. There's a big difference between the day shift people and us night owls. We're know for being a "little different". And I wouldn't trade it for the world. My work hours have made me a little anti-social, but I love it. A big bonus is that my kids only miss me for a couple of hours before they're off to bed, and my being gone has allowed for Travis to have more bonding time with the boys. When I'm there, I do everything for them.

6. I sweat a lot when I sleep. During the summer, Travis and I rarely sleep in the same bed. He can't stand it. Oh sure, he's all over my heat now that it's cold (that sounds kinda kinky). Come summer time, one of us will be on the couch most nights. Good thing I'm gone 3 nights out of the week.

And that about sums up my weirdness. Well not really, but that's about all I can share. My dad and mother-in-law read this, so we'll keep the real weirdness under wraps for now.

Belated Resolutions

El Paso, originally uploaded by Meemo.

I've never been one to set New Year's resolutions. I know I won't follow them, so why set myself up to fail. Doesn't that sound like the loser's mantra?

This year is different though. I feel driven, I feel like I can accomplish my goals. It helps that January is more than half way over so my goals aren't really resolutions, they're just goals. Hopefully this will take away from the pressure. .

I realize that I'm a little late with this post as all the good bloggers wrote about their resolutions like the first week of January. I hadn't really been able to think of such things until now. Now that life is settling down a little (knock on wood).

We all wish for health, and that is my first goal. The last physical I had, I was told that I had high triglycerides and needed to workout and diet for 3 months, then return for more blood work to see if there was an improvement. That was 3 years ago. This year, I'm 20 lbs lighter and feel healthier than I've felt in a very long time. I'm going in. I can't believe I haven't been checked in that long, especially considering that my dad is an insulin dependent diabetic, and I'm thirsty all of the time. I hate blood work.

Second, family time. I will spend more time hugging my mom and sister. We've never been really huggy, but with everything that has gone on with my grandma, we've been hugging a lot more. I like it a lot. Plus I don't ever want to regret never having hugged my mom enough. When you lose someone, It's not easing just shrugging off the guilt and regret.

Third, I am going to teach my kids to speak Spanish. I'm going to teach them more about my culture and where I come from. El Paso isn't just a place to live, it's got a unique culture that you don't find anywhere else. Except perhaps another border town. My kids need to be proud and aware of who they are. Well at least who one half of them is. Their dad is German, I'm Mexican-American. My kids have beautiful brown skin, so no matter what, they'll be thought of as Mexican. You can't escape the color of your skin, no matter how American you might think you are. People see you as less American just because of you've got a better tan.

Three goals seem attainable, so I'll quit while I'm ahead.

Oh, I forgot another biggie for me. I want to make friends. I have no friends right now. Outside of my family and a few mom's from school, I have no friends. At least no one I could go to happy hour with. I need friends. Will you be my friend?

Mostly, I'm just hoping for a happy, uneventful year. 2006 sucked with my uncle passing away, and the beginning of 2007 wasn't so great either.

So here's looking forward to a good year, a new year, and hopefully lots of new friends.

Just Me and My Nano

I finally have my own play list.  My very own play list on my very own, very adorable I-Pod Nano.  And I am loving the Nano.  It's so handy, I always have it in my purse.  Moments like these, when it's 3 am and I'm at work, the Nano is my only link to life.  Plus the silence in here at times, is deafening. 

My play list so far is pretty pathetic, but it consists of songs I'm convinced will get my ass moving in the gym.  And after 7 days of pretty much sitting on said ass, I need to hit the gym. 

My mom saw that the size 6 jeans I just bought were kind of baggy, so she gasped and asked if I was sure I wasn't sick.  I can't blame her for being a little paranoid, but then she kinda got me thinking.  Hmm, the last time a size 6 was baggy on me was like 13 years ago.  So I challenged myself to gain a few pounds.  All it took was a day, a box of donuts, and lots of yummy buttery toast.   Not much of a challenge but I'm 3 pounds heavier.  So, time to get back into the good habits I had formed before the new year. 

I'm really counting on this play list to be the inspiration I need.  Although I need way more songs.  I'm thinking that I need to download the Treadmill Song by OK Go, and I'm open to suggestions.  What song really gets you going?  Here's my list.

Cool Places - Sparks & Jane Wiedlin

I Wanna Be Sedated - Ramones

Sheena is a Punk Rocker - Ramones

Dreaming - Blondie

Happy Birthday - Altered Images

Just Can't Get Enough - Depeche Mode

Vacation - The Go-Go's

Powerless - Nelly Furtado

Holiday - Madonna

That's all I've got so far.  With so many songs  to choose from, it's tough.  Not to mention that my musical taste is still that of my 8th grade self.  I don't even know what's hip or new, other than Justin Timberlake bringing sexy back.  I'm clueless.   Help me, I'm musically deprived.

Going Home

We're going home. Somehow we're not as enthuastic as when we first set out on our little journey. We've had tons of fun, received lots of hugs and visited with so many old friends and family we haven't seen in a long time. The mass we held for grandma was beautiful. All her old favorite church songs, incense, the whole nine yards. It was perfect.

It's over now, and for the new year, I vow to make more trips home. I want for my boys to see where I came from, and learn about the culture. My culture. Only in El Paso could you shop at Chalu's Grocery, and every little hole in the wall Mexican restaurant is a treat. It's all delicious. Oh, and the mountains. As you drive into El Paso on I-10 East, you look to your right and see the border. You can see the houses in Mexico. The kids thought that was pretty neat. "You mean that's another country!"

I'll write more about it later, right now we're going through Las Cruces. I'm car blogging again. Isn't modern technology great. I'm off to read blogs. I haven't read blogs in forever and now that everything's behind us I feel like I can get back to normal life. So, wish us a safe trip. Yay, only 6 hours to go. Oh yeah, I'd like to give a shout out to Sirius satellite radio. We couldn't have survived without you. Seriously. Perfect reception in the middle of nowhere.

I'm blogging from our rental and we are on our way to old El Paso. We're going for a funeral. The kids are so excited for the road trip, I think we're all excited to be going back home. It's good to touch base with your roots every once in a while. I haven't been back in about 2 years. I'm probably going to put on some pounds with all the yummy Mexican food. So, watch out El Paso, here we come. When I took this picture they all said ROADTRIP!!!! 7 hours to go.

Tonight, I managed to amuse 5 kids. For like 5 hours I was almost as cool as Hannah Montana. Almost.
I took them to Makutu's Island to start off the evening. That place is like crack for kids. They love it, and it makes them run around like a bunch of little dirt devils.

After that, it was home to play some Wii, and when that got old, I sat them in front of Photobooth on my Macbook. If only you could have heard the laughter. They were hilarious. The best part is that I have about 50 more pictures just like this one.

I forgot to say that the 2 girls are my cousins kids. They came to town to see grandma, and I'm so glad that our kids are making memories together, very much the same way their dad and I did.

This is all I have

My poor little blog, I'm sorry I've been so negligent.

You see, my grandma is dying. I've been very sad and I don't want to think or write about sad stuff. Then I'm torn, because how do I sit here and write happy stuff when everyone's sitting at the hospice waiting for grandma's light to fade away.

This is just another little bump in the road. Okay, it's a big bump. I know my grandma's old, and everyone tries to comfort me by reminding me of what a long life she's lived. Yes, she's lived a long life, but that doesn't lessen our loss. The knowledge that's she's lived a long life will not help me miss her less, because I sure as hell will be missing her.  She's a sweetheart and always good for a laugh. Even just a few days ago, unable to speak, she managed to chuckle a couple of times. I love her so much, and now I know why I can't write about this. It makes my eyes all teary, and I can't see what I'm typing. So I'll just quit while I'm ahead.

Sorry to be such a downer, but this is what is going on in my life right now. This is what is on my mind.   If you go read my sister's blog, she talks about grandma in a way that I haven't been able to.

This picture is from the 365 days group.  Please don't look at the sorry state of my eye brows. I don't think I even washed my face that morning. My personal grooming just isn't what it used to be. Good thing for giant, bug eyed sunglasses.

Wii...are having too much fun!

This video shows some serious father son bonding. The whole family has enjoyed playing with the Wii. Myself included. For that, the Nintendo people are brilliant. These games make the kids be more active. They stand all the time, they never have that glazed over look in their eyes, and I've heard a few complaints of sore arms.



And this is how we're spending New Years Eve. I hope your night is more eventful. I shouldn't complain. Atleast Wii have eachother. Sorry for the corniness, that's what happens when your stuck at home with 4 kids and 4 dogs.



Happy New Year!